sometimes. i think im not worthy to be his owner. i cant even remember when he died. this is how much of a lousy arse i am. when he was alive, i didnt think of his welfare, his health and his hygiene. he was my responsibility, and yet. i shunned away from him. my whole life is damned, because i caused him to die. i know i did. noone has the heart to tell me yet. instead of mourning, i just forgot about him. seriously. sometimes i really think im not fit to own pets. thats what happened to dollar too.
hope you are having fun whereever you are. you never had much fun when you were with us. i just hope that you would be able to run around, as much as you want. where ever you are, i hope you are free from the chains that bound you for the whole of your life. i just hope you are happy now. words cannot express the regret and remorse i have for neglecting you. even the memories i have of you are not as much as the amount of days you spent cooped up in your kennel doing nothing. i know you wanted to go out and play, and even though i knew. i did nothing to improve your condition. perhaps you might not blame me but i do blame myself for eternal. for my whole life, the thing i despised most was prejudice. and yet. i was biased against you. no matter how much i want to shower you with all the love i can give, i cannot. in life you were tormented and ignored. in death you were forgotten. you may not hate me. but i do hate myself. even then, i hope you can feel my guilt. all dogs go to heaven. i know you did too.
here's to ember. i miss you terribly.
`jiaqi.
just saw the news. though i know im a little slow on the uptake, but hey. at least i watch the news. the earthquake. its times like these when i really really appreciate God and his existance. and fate too. just by being a singaporean, i am safely guarded against such natural disasters due to the strategic location of this island. Can anyone seriously imagine the amount of hurt those people felt during the earthquake and tsunamis? and that little boy who lost his parents. thank God he found his dad. losing family is never easy. especially when its somebody so close to you. my heart goes out to the little boy. bet God would take care of him. i know He will. anywayy. for you guys out there or anyone reading this message, please try to donate to the Singapore Red Cross Society. donate money, clothes whatever. every little bit counts. =)
and about band aid 20, even though i know that christmas is long gone and i should seriously move on, i still hope that people could set up a campaign to help those children and people in Africa. when we have abundant supply of food here in singapore, they go hungry almost everyday. as i sit in the comfort of my room, they have to withstand the hot scorching sun. even if they are used to it, i still feel slightly guilty for just being in this air-conditioned room. SOMEHOW. i think i should sleep without the air con tonight. anywayy. people!!! DONATE!!!
hope nobody sleeps with their stomachs empty tonight.
`jiaqi.
this post is dedicated to my buddy who's currently in korea and have no means whatsoever in communicating with me.
dear zhixin!!!
=) haha. i received both your smses already. too bad i cant reply to them. hope you see this post soon... at least before you come back from your trip. haha. hope everything is fine there, and yeahh. i bet kaiqin's bugging you like hell everyday. haha. =) anyhoo, I MISS YOU LOADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! buckets and buckets and buckets of loads. haha. you dont have to buy anything back lahh. the things there are darn expensive, so yeahh. dont need to lang fei qian. haha. =) just bring back a bottle of snow. that would be fine. haha. hope you are having fun still. see you soon!!
`jiaqi.
all hell's gonna blasted break loose in the 3rd of blasted january. like. WHATEVER... what kind of rubbish dump is this!!?? i have to get my dad to like. buy the dvd for me all the way from kl?! LIKE WHATEVER. like chichiue will EVEN go all the way there to get it while risking me watching inuyasha till the very night before o levels and then start to study. like thats ever gonna happen. im gonna be guai for the whole of next year. yes. no more running bout orchard road doing practically nothing. im gonna stay at home and study. and watch alot and alot of anime. HAH. yes. im an anime freak.
and inuyasha is turning into an ah beng anime. seriously. stop watching it. the highly intellectual plot is undeniably hard for you to comprehend. sheesh. to quote some honest bastard. "AlL i WaNt FoR cHrIsTmAs Is KaGoMe... Bt I cAnT gEt HeR..." argh. *showers aniki with puke* look at yourself in the mirror!!! which part of your scrawny body is on par with the almight INUYASHA. haha.
on a lighter note, im gonna meet my mate soon!!!!!!!!!! AYE MATE!!!!!!! =)
zhixin's not back yet. sighh. MISS YOU LOADS!!!!
`jiaqi.
yesterday's bbq was a NIGHTMARE. the number of times i felt like bashing people up are uncountable. seriously. if i wasnt so intent on keeping my temper in check, i would have already ruined the whole gathering, not to mention that its already REAL ruined. the people there are SSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO annoyinG!!! the only things they know are COMPLAIN AND COMPLAIN. like WHATEVER LORHHHH. bastards. and being shuai doesnt give you an edge over people you motherfucking arsehole!!!! i so seriously wanted to tell darcy to like. FUCK OFF. fucking bastard. and pearl seriously thinks that he is shuai. i am SO put off by his annoying personality. and hongsheng is a bloody AH BENG. arghh. and to think that we were once innocent kids who tried not to be vulgar. haha. i guess thats history then. at least there were other girls. and those goons who didnt turn up but promised to, YOU SUCK. asshole.................
after the bbq, went to pearl's hse to stay over. seriously. when i was talking on the phone, darcy said the most idiotic thing on earth. "just say a couple of bad words and she wouldnt be able to stay over." like. what.the.fuck. does he seriously think that my mother would be affected by VULGARITY!? my dad says it like everyday lorhh. LOSER. had a fun time there. haha. she gave me a treat at pizza hut!!!!!!!!! WHEE!!!! =) then we were looking through primary school photos. and there was this mysterious girl... hahha. omgoshh. we had no idea who she is. honestly. haha. i dont even think i have seen her before lorhh. ohwell. and i found this really flattering picture of kenny. haha. and i intend to use it to bribe him. hahaha. OMGOSHH. we were all so puny and tiny and SMALL. and victor looked SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!! awwww... hahha. miss the old times. ohwell. guess we all have to move on some day. hahaha.
`jiaqi.
[zhixin: I MISS YOU LOADS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! hope you are having fun at korea!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!]
damn it. it doesnt even feel like christmas. what happened to the christmas spirit? what happened to santa. i bet i missed them this year. what happened to child's innocence? paying it forward. i bet my guts no one has any idea what im talking about. me neither. my mind is like a pool of thoughts, everything's jumbled up together. i just missed christmas. its as though it just slipped right through my very fingers. i realised i have been paying attention to more adultish things this year then. its just not worth my time. i wish id never grow up. stay at 5 forever. the only people in this world who is capable of perceiving things in a different light without even trying to, are children. it is part of God's gift. children are the gift of God Himself. children. i have been too preoccupied. now christmas is over. i have to wait for another year. and sometimes i ask myself. what is christmas? what is christmas to me? is it just a day which i think i want to be nicer? is everything in this world commercialised? i seriously have no idea what im talking about. all these mumbling and crap. pay it forward is a nice movie. harley joel osment is a good actor.
does anyone even look at his eyes? they have some mysterious quality in them.so full of depth.obviously only a child is capable of doing so naturally. brilliant kid.
`jiaqi.
im back from malaysia!!!!!!!!!! haha. the trip was absolutely awesome!!! =) better than this rubbish dump where i cant even find inuyasha episodes beyong episode 39. hah. smelly disgusting revolting rubbish dump. feeling way depressed now. simply cause some extremely idiotic mindless ridiculous brainless pathetic shitified spurious LOSERS decide to intensify matters by a hundred thousand times!!!! arghh. spurious SHIT. what kind of stupid reason is "Oh. my clique nobody going. so i dont go lorhh." WHAT KIND OF FUCKING STUPID REASON IS THAT!!?? obviously only the most absurd class of human beings who have the minimal brain capacity can think of such a ridiculous reason. those assholes. those bastards. and they seriously think organising some loser-fied bbq is humongously easy. well. i disagree. STRONGLY. on that matter. they should just burn in hell for giving me such indesicive answers like "i dunno whether i wanna go or not. ill get back to you shortly." i am a girl, and i am a thousand times more desicive than those fucking bastards who cant even decide on such a simple thing. arghhh....... i have ran out of insults to use. YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST PLUMMET DOWN THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND NEVER COME BACK FOR ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arseholes.
`jiaqi.
quarrelling AGAIN. for the umpteenth time this week, my parents have yet again, taken up their favourite hobby. To yell at each other simultanously, as though it is just about the coolest game in the entire world. wow. i love my parents so much i feel like chopping off their heads and skewering them at a bbq pit. i bet the neighbours around this area treat this daily arguement as a type of entertainment. you know.. just waiting for their favourite soap opera to start, either sitting at the window opposite my flat, or pressing their loathsome ears against the blasted wall straining to hear what they always like to hear. "FUCK YOU!!!" yup. that has got to be the most frequently used word in all the episodes. it should be episode number one thousand million? YET. its not season finale YET. so yeahh. i guess it should end when either roles die and pass on to their next life. fuck this family. fuck this house. fuck this world.
`jiaqi.
watched National Treasure with zhixin and kaiqin. seriously. after watching that show, ill bet that anyone's intelligence level would increase by some bit. then, went christmas shopping for their relatives. and then we went to forum. and then. God had sent me a challege, to test my japanese. a japanese man approached me and asked me to help them with the coins at this yakult machine. and there i was struggling to get them to understand. that the machine wasnt working. and i actually said "chikara" instead of "denki". omgosh.... the latter was the correct one. the former meant "strength" instead of ELECTRICITY. what the hell. i bet its cause i didnt die from embarassment yesterday night from dinner. thats why i had to carry it over to today. obviously, they got it in the end, but seriously. i couldnt even tell them that the machine wasnt even working!!! so much for my language test. but ohwellx. kaiqin thinks they are lucky to meet me. haha. that obviously made me feel better. so... THANKS MATE!!! =)
thought alot about my childhood last night. guess i didnt really have an enjoyable time when i was in primary school. so many embarassing lessons i learnt. so many hypocrites, liars and stuck up arseholes ive met. and the numerous times i was misjudged so terribly. i guess thats the price for speaking up for people and for being different. and now, looking back, i guess there were people i overlooked, not caring whether they felt insulted by my actions or not. regrettable of course. `twas a long night. thinking so much about friends ive took for granted. all the sins ive committed. what kind of kid of God am i? and all those motherfuckers who thrown insults at me like the running water of an open tap. those fucking arseholes who term themselves as educators and demand respect from me. their brains are as small as a pea, thus not having enough space to comprehend the phrase "respect must be earned, not gained." motherfucker.
`jiaqi.
all of us should just act blind for a day. MUAHAHAHAHAHAA. sound of colours is so damn fucking nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously. even when tony leung is blind, he is sooooooooooooooo shuai. HAH. yes. he is on par with the great son of inu no taisho. INUYASHA!!!!!!! gonna eat dinner in sarah's hse later. -______________- her grandparents are there. what am i gonna do? im no elegant eater u know. scully.... i dirty her whole dinning table,and her grandparents will ask me. "why are you so dirty!?" im a messy eater!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO!!!??? *squeals in fear* yup. since young, ive loved to look at my palms and i saw.... to my horror.... that im gonna die one day in my fifteenth year, at a dinning table. yes. and the cause of death is..... EMBARASSMENT. yes. i bet my dad knew. thats why this year he has been ever so keen on making sure i eat dinner at HOME. not at somebody else's house. so he can call the ambulance on time. maybe thats why he always has his phone within reaching distance. HAH. i know im smart. its called the art of foreboding. doesnt anyone learn that in literature? sighh. im gonna go prepare myself for my inevitable DEATH. no. DOOM.
speaking of which. i was watching the show and i realised that the proper way of holding hands with your loved ones is to NOT entertwine your fingers with the other persons'. obviously some wanker didnt blasted get it and tainted my beautifully perfectly made hands. sighh. i was. for a moment, BLIND to that fact. yes. i had acted against my will. that action has more or less caused me to suspect the level of my intelligence. anyway. i realised. my future boyfriend would have long silvery hair with amber-coloured eyes and two pointed DOG ears on the top of his head. can anyone actually imagine such a FINE creature? nevertheless, it was created by the creator himself. GOD. yes. notice the words, DOG and GOD.
went shopping with sarah today. at kino, i finally bought that BLASTED FUCKING NICE japanese book. and i was holding on to it. yeah. it was a fine match that one. i bet anyone can just simply imagine me holding on to the book. it just fits me. HELL, it was created JUST for me. HAH. anywayy. i had suffered full blow of embarassment when i had decided to flaunt my knowledge of inuyasha to sarah. right.next.to.a.japanese.lady. thats not too bad. JUST THAT I WAS SPEAKING IN MY FUCKING LOUSY JAPANESE!!!! and it wasnt even in full sentences. the lady must be thinking that im such a fucking wanker who's trying to be fucking cool by association. just like that fucking arsehole i found on the friendster website. by speaking japanese. YES. i know EXACTLY how she feels. honestly. its like standing next to some KEKEZ person who ATTEMPTS feebly at speaking good english. sighh. yet again, i have humilated myself. well. im off for dinner.
`jiaqi.
changed my blog template. doesnt it look beautiful? *points to the picture on the side* yes. i know they look absolutely gorgeous together. look at inuyasha!!! the son of the great inu no taisho. after yesterday night's events, that wanker has given me huge amounts of motivation to pick up the glorious language, Japanese, and start from scratch. learning a new language is honestly truly difficult, but hah. at least i know i can speak something else besides JA NE. swine.
`jiaqi.
went shopping with kenny today. had many talks about faggots and gays who want to be japanese. who does she think she is anyway. 'ja ne'. HONESTLY. does she even have the capacity and intelligence to speak that glorified language? she does not even pull it off with style. heard about some blasted jackass who lectures him about his basketball skills. and i think he should get somebody to shoot him while he's playing the game and let him watch it later. he is a disgrace to all basketball players.
my sleep had been plagued again last night. however, i dont remember the dream. which is an advantage. so i wouldnt have to think about it during the day. gonna make sure i get some decent sleep tonight to get ready for choir the next morning. feel real bad for skipping a couple of practices. i bet jacklyn MISS ME!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *lighting strikes* ......
there's a cat walking outside my room again.
anywayy. new year resolutions.
1) gonna be nicer to my dog.
2) gonna bring her out more regularly.
3) gonna bathe her more often.
4) gonna play with her more often.
5) gonna subscribe for the ALL DOG LOVERS FAN CLUB. (like that actually exists in the world. HAH.)
6) gonna shoot anyone who abuses animals, ESPECIALLY dogs.
i have decided to have a new campaign for dogs. 3 guesses why. it starts with an 'i' and ends with an 'a'.....................
INUYASHA!!! which actually means DOG PHANTOM. HAH. yes. DOG. DOG!!! and think about it. turn the word around and it spells GOD. GOD obviously created DOGs for the companionship of humans. go figure.
`jiaqi.
inuyasha!!!!
haha. like i said.
its hard to not feel empty
when you fall in love
with somebody who doesnt
exist in real life.
somebody who is just a cartoon,
open to everyone to love or hate.
it is hard to confirm reality
in the midst of dreams and fantasy.
CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. what
exactly is christmas spirit???
being with people you truly love
or forgiving those who wronged you?
somehow, i always feel like crying
when i think about christmas.
childhood memories i guess.
the desire to remain a child. to remain
taintless and immune to all evils of life?
immune to aging and death perhaps.
to keep my innocence in tact.
dreams have been plagueing my sleep lately.
things that ridicule my level of intelligence and logic
have been bent on disturbing my peace.
what does this mean?
`jiaqi.
i HATE kikyo!!!
she's so mean to inuyasha,
and then she ATTEMPTS to kill kagome.
seriously. like. do a reality check.
YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!!!
cant blame kagome and inuyasha for being
alive. kikyo used to be so nice and
gentle and forgiving. but now.
she's nothing but a blasted zombie!!!
.......i think i should stop watching inuyasha...
.jiaqi.
isolation.
maybe i've never belonged here.
maybe im destined to be alone.
perhaps that explains the comfort i feel
when im hiding.
hiding from everyone around who
loathe the day i was born.
yes. maybe thats why he wanted to strike me.
maybe thats why God made me like this.
maybe. im truly destined to be alone.
and then i realised.
of all the times i was running,
escaping and avoiding.
the truth shows itself most balantly when ive fallen.
The only thing i have been
running away from is myself.
is it embarassment?
or is it fear?
.jiaqi.
what kind of shit country is this!!!???
compared to the almighty England,
and to japan, this.... is NOTHING.
i repeat. NOTHING.
honestly. i have to wait till the dubs are finished??!!
THAT WOULD TAKE A YEAR!!!???
what is this.
i have to wait to see my beloved again.
what the fuck is this.........
my beloved... inuyasha!!!
[sesshoumaru!!! DIE you BASTARD!!! DIE!!!]
.jiaqi.
i almost fainted after what i saw on the net.......
THERE ARE OVER A HUNDRED EPISODES OF INUYASHA!!!!????
and what. im only at the 13th episode.
and up to episodes 36. are sold in singapore.
what the fuck is this.
that means i have to fucking wait somemore.
I WANT INUYASHA!!!
the half-demon who's so damn fucking hot
and who has SUCH a great body. yup.
thats the one. and after the show,
i became nicer to my dog.
so yeahhh.. THE SHOW IS A GOOD INFLUENCE!!!!!!!!
I LOVE INUYASHA!!!!
ZETTAI KAWAII DESU NE!!!!
.jiaqi.
......the 6th season???
tis a GREAT song. haha. =)
Seal - Kiss From A Rose
There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grave
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
haha. I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!! the lyrics are so poetic. so elegant.
the singers are GREAT. =)
.jiaqi.
though i know they'll never come true,
it's still comforting to know that
you're still alive.
.jiaqi.
its relief beyond relief.
truly. after the results were out,
i felt relieved. unlike what everyone
else was feeling, i was relieved.
relieved that this was all over.
relieved that he need not go through
with any more insults.
people should quit insulting him.
to say that a singer sells his album
solely by looks, is not only insulting,
but degrading. to say that a performer
need not put in his best efforts to get supporters,
is degrading.
love. thats what we need more in this world. more love.
.jiaqi.
[do you even have the capacity to be in my shoes?
go fly your magic carpet all the way to arabia and
bury yourself in sand.]