i watched constantine AGAIN!!! =) oh my godddd..... he is so HOT. he is so full of style, and he's so cool!!! i bet in the entire world, no man, is as cool as keanu reeves when he is constantine. no. i take that back. no man in this entire universe, is as HOT as keanu reeves!!! he is so cool, has the whole's sexiest voice ever, and sighhhh. i wish i was born 20 years ago damn it. 20 years ago in canada, next to keanu reeves' house, and became his first love or something. and guess what? he is a shy guy!! a shy, introverted guy!!! omgoshhh. right. im forgoing my sanity for keanu reeves.
`jiaqi.
do you truly know what it feels like? to be afraid of saying anything anymore. to be afraid of saying any damn thing for the rest of your damned life? the feeling of just wanting to stay in my black box for the rest of my life. to stay in a place where i would be surrounded by nature, a place where no one in this god forsaken world would find me, when i dont have to explain the reason why i even exist to be a burden to others. a place where i dont ever have to live up to other's expectations. when i can truly be who i am inside, to let the monster withn be released, and to find peace. you dont even know what its like to be in a crowded place, filled with people, yet still feel alone and unaccepted. you dont even know how it feels like to just fall into a world of confusion, without warning. you really dont know.
`jiaqi.
i'd rather remain silent for the rest of my life than to maintain pseudo conversations with people.
I DREAMT OF KEANU REEVES!!!
`jiaqi.
i feel so proud of myself today!! -grinns- i didnt procastinate. HAH. whee. i bought everything i needed at kino. came home straight without delaying. didnt waste money on files which were riducalously expensive. REVISED MY CHEMISTRY!!! which i conviniently found out that i sucked tremendously at. *sighhs* ill perservere!!! I WILL!!!!! muahahahahahahaha!!! *lightning strikes* ... i should stop watching anime.
FURUBA!!!
`jiaqi.
im shrinking back into the shadows again.
everything's resumed their old posts.
the familiarity of this scene irks me.
why have i been beaten back to square one?
being repeatedly whacked on the back.
the mocking's starting all over.
where's my savior in a black suit called keanu reeves? -grinns-
`jiaqi.
i dont mind being your guardian angel,
protecting you from afar,
keeping you safe.
i dont mind standing aside,
soaking in your presence.
i dont mind doing anything for you...
as long as..........
YOU REMOVE ALL THE MOSQUITOES IN MY ROOM!!!!
they are all killing me lorhh.
POO.
`jiaqi.
this is a story i took from the anime, Fruits Basket. thought it was quite interesting.
"The Stupid Traveller."
There was this traveller who loved to travel. He would walk miles and miles just to look at scenery. He was also a very generous man. During his journeys, he entered this town. Everybody in this town knew that the traveller was a very generous man and took advantage of him. They fleeced him of his money, his clothes, and eventually, every item off him. He was striped naked from giving away all his clothes to the 'poor' town people. In embarassment, he fled into the forests. In the forests, he met several monsters. They asked him if he could sacriface parts of his body for their meals. He obviously agreed, and soon, he was only left with his head and miraculously still surviving. The last monster came up to him and asked him if he could devour his eyeballs. He, again, had agreed. While chewing his eyeball, the monster wrote the words 'STUPID' on a piece of paper and gave it to the traveller. The traveller saw the paper as a gift, and cried in joy. "I have never received a present from anybody before. Thank you. Thank you." He cried through his empty sockets, and in the end, he died.
i dont think the traveller was stupid. He was self-sacrificial and was willing to give. i know i would never lie and cheat him. we should learn to be like the traveller. because somehow, i guess he was the smartest one of all.
`jiaqi.
i screwed up my life again, God.
almost in every single aspect of my life, i screwed up, God.
Father, what am i supposed to do?
watashi-tachi wa onigiri desu ka?
Chichi-ue, dasukette.
`jiaqi.
did i mention how much i LOVE keanu reeves?!! he is my ultimate hero!!! not to mention his cool actions and his sleek moves and his sense of humour *points middle finger at lucifer* in CONSTANTINE!!!! HE IS SOOOO SHUAI!!! omgoshhh. he is like. ON PAR with great dudes like JOHNNY DEPP and TOM CRUISE!? sighhs... who are brad pitt and orlando bloom when they stand next to keanu reeves. WHO exactly are theyy. HAH. they are... NOTHING!!!! muahahahhaa. I LOVE CONSTANTINE!! I LOVE CONSTANTINE!!! I LOVE CONSTANTINE!!! like totally!!! =)
"i am john. john constantine.asshole."
`jiaqi.
HEH. wore my emily the strange shirt today. haha. =) woke up this morning after having this weird dream about me having foundation about an inch thick and then having rain falling on my face ONLY, making all the foundation runny. oh well. weird dream. jiayi was so pretty today!!! she wore this really cute looking shoes. haha. according to her, its her prom night shoes. and the mosquitoes have reduced!!! WHEE!!! was thinking about some depressing stuff earlier on. realised that when my dad's generation is gone and its ours to take over, i guess we wouldnt like. keep in touch anymore. its weird and sad at the same time, to acknowledge that people grow old. coz we cant really compare ourselves everyday, coz to us, we always look the same. but year after year, when we look at our old pictures, we realise that time had been slipping away, ever so softly and slowly. WHAT TO DO. haha. zhixin and kaiqin came over today. AND WE SAW CRISTELLE(?) today. haha. outside my house. SHE KEEPS LOOKING INTO MY ROOM!!! coz her DARLING kaiqin was here. funny lahh. haha. and he absolutely refused to sit at my desk and use the com coz the curtains were drawn up. until, me, being the nice one, decided to draw it back down. haha. he thinks my room is boring. i think my room's boring too.there is practically nothing to do in my room, besides use the com and the radio. which by the way, i hardly use it coz i cant receive the jap station here anyway. TONIKAKU, was hypocritical today. boo. haha. anyway.. to everybody out there!!!!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! GONG HEI FAT CHOI!!!
`jiaqi.
just finished reunion dinner... the food was OKAY. not bad. i wished my mum didnt get duck, but gotten chicken instead. but OHWELL. what to do. today's chinese new year concert at school was really erm.. INTERESTING. haha. i sat next to cynthia and almost died from laughing. she's SO FUNNY!!! haha. and yeahh. xiao jie and sophia are funny too. haha. and most of all.. the seventh month singer was the funniest. her vocals are seriously not bad, and yeahh. she's FUNNY. haha. went for lunch with grace, lynn and lydia ALONG with cynthia, who i now call... PINK PINK!! haha. the reason is obvious. went home at around.. 1 plus? and i fell asleep in the bus. AND THIS IDIOT WHACKED MY HEAD WHILE I WAS HALF ASLEEP!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A BASTARD!!! haha. take advantage of people sleeping. how mean is that lorhh. SO MEAN. haha. im really really sway lately. got mustard on my BAG and SHIRT yesterday. i dapaoed subway and i get mustard on my TABEMONO(stuff). i mean, can anyone think of another reason besides being sway? HONESTLY. haha. and sarah's not here yet. and my entire house smells of... acid? my dad's busy cleaning my house floor. with ACID!? i can foresee... that tomorrow morning, when i come down from my bedroom, i will see many many many many holes on the floor. yes. haha. my fortune-telling skills have IMPROVED!!! MUAHA.HAHA.HAHA. oh. speaking of which, I LOVE MY NEW TEMPLATE!!! haha. actually, its not really new.. but the pictures are nice!! =) at least on my mac it looks nice.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY OUT THERE!!!!!
oh. yeahh. new hero alert : KOHAKU
`jiaqi.
“没关系，我都明白。。。”
不要再被人抛弃在孤独的世界里。
KUSO.
im feeling depressed and sorrowful now. i just ran my LAST x-country in crescent. sounds kinda sad doesnt it. im gonna spend my 4th and LAST year in crescent, and honestly speaking. the last 3 years have been like. alot of slacking and playing. i cant seriously remember the time i was actually ENTHUSIASTIC about my own cca. i do feel a little guilty for all the trouble ive caused for the teacher in chargeS and the team memberS and squadmateS. -sighhs- so... henceforth. I SHALL BE ENTHU ABOUT CHOIR THIS YEAR!!! muahaha. which btw, i am. just that my attendence wasnt ticked today. AGAIN. some ask why. well. let me tell you. I WAS SO LATE THAT WHEN I RUSHED ALL THE WAY BACK TO SCHOOL, PRACTICE WAS ALREADY OVER. tell me. HOW BLUR and DUMB can i get?! arghhh. should have seen my expression when i saw my juniors at the bus stop. i was like. WTH. oh well. nevermind. ill just work harder. I DONT CARE ABOUT ATTENDENCE. i just wanna make it for syf. I WOULD. im determined to. HAH.
and my room stinks. i simply cannot stand the mosquitoes flying EVERYWHERE in my room. really. not only are they blasted annoying, they SUCK. ive never LOATHED anybody and anything in this world, not even LIZARDS and slimy crap. except for mosquitoes. if they dont bite me, sure.. why not. let them live. BUT THEY SUCK MY BLOOD, and if THATS not enough, after sucking my beloved blood, the bites ITCH like HELL. like how annoying is that?! argh crap. im pissed off for the hundredth time today. why??? why must i make hatred a duty? okay. right. im crapping again. oh.
message for my goodie BESTIE.
SARAH KWOK: WELCOME BACK TO SCHOOL!!! I MISSED YOU MUCHIES!!!
and that marks the end of today's post.
`jiaqi.
you think you understand me, but you do not. just as how you do not understand the universe and its magnificance. i show you what i show to everybody. it is not logical and rational that you know me better than everybody else. yamete. it annoys me to see you act as though you know the world, because you dont. you do not know my past, and sometimes, my present. nobody in this world has the key to unlock my hidden memories,least of all, you. quit thinking that im screwing up my life as like before, because i am not. just because you cant see my effort, doesnt mean that im not struggling to help myself. i dont want you as my savior and neither should you expect yourself to heave me out of the crap i am in. somehow, no matter how nicely you put your words, i can feel the sacarsm and superiority in your voice. you seem to think that i am always worse off than you. but you are wrong. at least i know i have a heart. at least i strive to be different and make a difference in other people's lives. at least i know i am proud of my own morals and values. at least i know my words do not cut others like a knife. unlike you, who fear to be abnormal. unlike you, being seemingly indifferent and nonchalant about issues that you fear. you try not to show it, but your denial about life can be seen in your actions. you think you know me, but somehow you dont. just like everybody else.
`jiaqi.
met up with cynthia's tuition teacher(?) just now with zhixin and obviously, 'i cant stop laughing' cynthia and wanling.
he is rather accurate.
is it wrong to fear understanding? i fear myself understanding who i truly am. perhaps i feel that my inner self is too hideous to see. too hideous for anyone to see. how can i compare myself to her beauty? her ever warm beauty that comes from withn. i guess thats why i take personality tests. to see how accurate they are, so i can mock at their lies if they arent. im afraid of myself. is it wrong?
`jiaqi.