how does it feel like to die? what does a person see in his last seconds on earth? when i think of my future, i feel as though i am taking a stick and using it to probe in front of me, where mist cloud my vision. where would i be when i am 60? how would things be?
i need to let go of my fear. let it go and place it in the hands of the Father. maybe then, i can truly find peace.
Daddy. im scared.
`jiaqi.
bonesetters daughter is a GREAT book. especially the part when kaijing died. its so touching! :)
my lit sucks. im stuck halfway thru in my essay. SHIT.
`jiaqi.
how annoying. school starts. TOMORROW. theo is coming on tueday. shucks. and i havent finished my homework yet. i think im gonna go MAD when theo comes. my brother has safely returned home from tekong. and i, for one, DO NOT like his attitude. just because he is having a hard time adapting to the army life doesnt mean that he is justified in blowing up at NOBODY but me, in front of all his friends, and pissed me off like no hell. wow. and i was so happy that he came back. sighhs. asshole.
i feel that i havent been spirtually eager to hear and learn about God. maybe thats why, sometimes, when i go to church, i dont get much of a breakthrough. and maybe thats why, i feel as though my faith is waning. hmm. it feels like the excitement of being a Christian has faded and yeahh. seems like my passion for Christ is gone or something. hmm. anyway. FATHER JOHN PAUL SPOKE YESTERDAY!!! :) whee! his homily was... really in depth and difficult to understand. as usual. haha. and though it could be because i was busy talking to jerilyn. HAHA. he spoke about holy irritation. and about prophets. something like, now, unlike in the olden days, there isnt a particular uniform for 'prophets'. so even if we do meet one, we would not know of his... spirtual 'occupation.' so, when they tell us about the Lord and such, we find it irritating and annoying. so... when we get this 'holy irritation', we must be able to see that it is a message that God is trying to put across to us, and tolerate it, as well as accept it. I THINK this is what his homily was about. :) three cheers for the Holy Spirit, huzzah! huzzah! huzzah! and three cheers for Father John Paul! huzzah! huzzah! huzzah!
went for dinner after that. my brother pissed me off like mad. and i felt like killing him. arghh. he really knows how to piss the people around him huh. jiayi and sharon didnt come over. which was.... frustrating and disappointing. for a real stupid reason as well. but oh well. not angry with audrey or patrick anymore. i must learn to let go of this annoying bitterness inside me. arghh. annoying.
hmm. i wonder when my next bible study would be.
**UncleDaniel: when is my next bible study? looking forward to it. :)
`jiaqi.
p/s: there would be a funfair thingy in st. marys SOON. anyone who would want to purchase a coupon ($10) can come and look for me! :)
"Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man's reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."
Matthew 10:41-42
"To abandon all greed, only then can one love unconditionally. And to love unconditionally, only then does one reach salvation of self."
i cant wait. my brother's coming back in 2days time. huzzah! huzzah! huzzah! haha. watched the first quarter of master and commander. its not bad! and no. i do not want to be a sailor after watching the show. though its cool. coz i get terrible motion sickness! and besides. i cant stand being on the sea.
sahira's back from kl as well!!! :) yipee! and zhixin called yesterday. haha. was kinda waiting for her to call. oh well. im happy. at least.. i wouldnt feel so bored, and lonely? haha. im happy my bro's back. its been weird not having him around and yeahh. i miss him, alot. without him, hanging with his friends has been real weird. not at first, but now, kinda. yupp. thought alot yesterday, and after listening to what kenny said, though it didnt make sense at first, i agree with it now. i should be myself. and i reflected upon what father clifford was talking about during sunday mass. that we shouldnt be afraid. and intimidated, because our Lord is around. :) because when we start to fear, other kind of emotions start to appear as well. like.. jealousy, envy, anger. and also, we must remember that we are more valuable than hundreds of sparrows! :) so since we value ourselves and know that God is around everywhere, we wouldnt fear and have rubbish emotions which allows us to sin even more. yes. i feel so much wiser now. haha. :) and even if the above doesnt make sense, it will one day! yup. HAH. being God's kid is real cool. I LOVE JESUS!!! lalala. haha. my God is NOT fear.
`jiaqi.
"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can kill both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So dont be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Matthew 10:28-31
i am annoyed. because i have to go to mass AGAIN tomorrow. all because... PATRICK overslept. and didnt go for mass. i dont know why im so annoyed and angry at him, but im JUST annoyed. sighh. i guess he is like that. and because i was all alone just now and ill miss bible study tomorrow. sighh. so.. there goes another week that i didnt go for service or bible study at cosbt. WOW.
talking to zhixin on the phone now. she's busy writing and singing something. and im busy blogging. haha. FUNNY. cherlynn is nice. when i was so bloody worried that something terrible had happened to him, she consoled me and told me that he is old enough to take care of himself. how sweet. so...
THANK YOU CHERLYNN. tried calling kenny just now. but no one picked up the phone. hmm. sighh.
i read one of my brother's post yesterday. about evangelism. and yeahh. kinda reflected upon it. i noticed certain groups of christians going around to strangers and sharing the good news with them, asking for 5mins of their time. is our God THAT insignificant that he can be shared in 5 MINUTES!? that doesnt make sense. this is the same as trying to share the good news in a puny brochure. our God, is NOT a product that we PROMOTE. He is GOD. does that make any sense? i hope it does.
secondly. what really bugs me, are those people who go around proclaiming that THEIR church is more superior than others. im like. for CHRIST'S SAKE. have human beings stoop to a level where we are soooooooo competitive, we are comparing different bodies of christ? this doesnt make sense. im pissed.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
`jiaqi.
i truly. seriously. feel like puking right now. this is what happens everytime i play an rpg game. like KINGDOM HEARTS. haha. its a damn fun game!! :) love it to bits. anyway. went to jiayi's house to stay yesterday. it was quite fun. cause we stayed up really long to talk about stuff. ALOT of stuff. and yeahh. i got to know my cousins a little better. :) woke up at 8 today. packed up our stuff and got ready for macritchie!! :) to walk the treetop walk. omgoshh. i walked about... 10km today? seriously. we are almost the most unluckiest people in the world. shucks. saw ms ang at macritchie today. she was having canoeing training there. which means... lynette was there. haha. too bad she was busy canoeing in the reservoir to see me. after walking about... 30mins? it started to rain.. REAL heavily. and im like. wahpiang. of all places. so we got really wet. our bags were drenched. our shoes were dirty, muddy, and our socks had turned from white to black. wow. miracle of the day huh. stopped for a while.. at this hut. was quite pathetic. and the worst part is that. i always stink after i walk in the rain, and before that, i was already sweating. so it was... DISGUSTING AND DISTURBING. eeyurhh. i had to tahan for like.. 4hrs? we all stunk real bad, or at least, me. and we forgot deorderant. so.. the only nice smelling thing left was OFF!. so i had an OFF! bath. almost died from the FUMES of off!. anyway. carried on walking.. till we FINALLY CAME TO THE TREETOP WALK!!! :) was really beautiful. the scenery.. and the air. wow. yupp. ill reccommend everybody to go there at least once. though, my advice is... NOT WEAR SPORT SHOES. wear sandals or something. took a couple of pictures, before we finished the suspension bridge. had a hard time walking back down. before we started our walk next to the golf course. it felt real surreal, like we werent in singapore or sth. besides the mud, the walk was okay. UNTIL.. we followed this father and daughter, who did a disappearing act on us. so.. we ended up in the middle of a golfcourse. risked getting hit by numerous golfballs, THOUGHT we were being chased by golfers on those weird looking cars, and almost got banged down by a mercerdes. thank God that we made it to SIME ROAD without a scratch. haha. and after that. we dirtied a toilet in united square while washing our shoes and socks. had lunch, and cabbed home. what an exciting adventure. :) I LOVE MY COUSINS!!! cool people. yupp.
and the cherry on the icecream today.. is....
MY BROTHER CALLED BACK FROM TEKONG. haha. after so so so very very long. i thought he busted his phone batt. and i guess i was right. well. playtime's over. have to start mugging. haha. cant wait till CHRISTMAS.
gonna see him tomorrow. whee.whee.whee.whee. :)
`jiaqi.
this is something i read in.. of all places... FRIENDSTER. a real treat, and it really strikes me at the heart. :)
i am God's kid. and because of that, i know i am protected and embraced. for my Lord is THE GOD, and He is my stronghold and my strength. He makes it all worthwhile. He keeps my tears for me. He comforts me. I LOVE THE TRINITY!! :)
STORY...
GOD: Angels, do you know what I was just
thinking about?
ANGELS: What were You thinking about?
GOD: Christians seem to have forgotten
what kind of power they have available
and the devil keeps on deceiving them!
ANGELS: God, exactly what are you driving at?
GOD: I have made my children in such a
way that when the people of the world is
sitting, they would be standing, when the
world is standing, they will stand out,
when the world stands out, my children
must be outstanding and when the devil
dares the world to be outstanding, my
people will be the standards to be used!
JESUS CHRIST: They (Christians) are
also forgetting the words in Ephesians 1:3.
GOD: Please read it out!
ANGEL: PRAISE BE TO THE GOD AND
FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST
WHO HAS BLESSED US IN THE
HEAVENLY PLACES WITH EVERY
SPIRITUAL BLESSING IN CHRIST.
ANGEL: So what do we do now since the end is
almost near?
HOLY SPIRIT: My Presence is still
among men and I will teach and remind
the Christians of all that we have discussed.
JESUS CHRIST: I will also keep on
interceding for them and stand in for
them even in their weaknesses.
GOD: I will also make sure that I give to
all those who ask of me, seek me and try
to find me, the blessings I have promised
them through my son Jesus Christ will be
delivered to all those who discover that I,
Jehovah, I am ready to bless them! Not
because of any special things that they
have done, but just because I LOVE THEM!
JESUS CHRIST: I will also give all my
followers who are willing to pass this
conversation on, enough strength to carry on!
ANGELS: We are all backing THE
TRINITY and even the devil cannot stop
us! Christians are finally taking over and...
DEVIL (eavesdropping behind the gates):
I hope you all heard! I will deploy more
troops (demons) and make sure the
Christians pray less, read their Bibles less,
preach less and make sure this mail does
not move anywhere!
YOU SURE HEARD THAT!
THE DEVIL WILL MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT
PASS THIS ON BUT PROVE HIM WRONG AND
SHOW HIM THE POWER YOU HAVE IN
CHRIST JESUS AS A CHRISTIAN. PRAY
MORE, STUDY THE WORD MORE AND
PREACH THE WORD!
DO NOT DISAPPOINT GOD.
i think howard is so so so so cute!!! :) seriously!!! why did denise choose wolfgang anyway. howard is so much better! like. he makes people feel as though they are in a fairytale. HOW SWEET IS THAT!? aww.. and did anyone see his face after denise told him that she was going to europe with wolfgang? he was crushed! i usually hate reality tv shows like this.. because i think that love is more than just playing with the emotions of 10 other people. and i was RIGHT. though i cried when i saw howard's face... ITS SO SAD!!! haha. i sound like a romance-sucker. which i am NOT. hmm..
i want my brother to go OCS! but if he ends up in SISPEC, its fine too. cause patrick went there too. :) -smiles. haha. one more week to go before my brother is back from holiday in tekong.. funny. he actually asked the locals of pulau tekong to cut his hair for him. his fashion sense is deteriorating. IM IN SELF-DENIAL. haha.
its been... 3 days since i last msged him. 2 more days before i can see him!!! yupp. :) ill make it 1 week!! YUP. GANBATTE KUDASAI MITCHELL-SAN!! :)
`jiaqi.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 5:10
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
Pslam 119:105
THERE IS A PIMPLE ON THE TIP OF MY NOSE!!! :( and it hurts. hmm. went out with zhixin and brice today. haha. he's ermm... rather crappy. GOT A NEW WALLET!!! finally. :) YAY. and its a leather wallet. whee. im so happy. haha. was at bras basah today. its like. DAMN HOT!? seriously. the weather was atrocious. i almost melted in the middle of town. and guess what. yesterday night, a BIG FAT UGLY DISGUSTING LIZARD WENT INTO MY ROOM. AND I ALMOST STEPPED ON IT. for christ's sake. GET OUT OF MY ROOM LA!!!!!!! :( annoying thing. and i was like.. "in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the only begotten Son of the Father, I RENOUNCE THIS DIRTY CREATURE AND I CAST IT OUTTA MY ROOM!!" wonder if it worked or not. i hope it did. im gonna OWN a picture of patrick the COMPASS on saturday. cant wait. its been... ONE DAY since i msged him.
went on a swing today. ITS SO FUN!!! :) and nostalgic too. haha. love swings like MAD. waited at safra for kaiqin to reply our msges. apparently.. he and skip went to play soccer, i think. sighhs. zhixin and kaiqin are going OVER the SEAs and all the way to malaysia tomorrow morning! :( and coming back on friday. hopes she goes to mass with me. would be a cultural shock for her. yupp. want her to experience both the protestant church and catholic church. haha. i bet she would sleep during mass. but if... father John Paul was to speak. I BET SHE WOULDNT!!! HE LOOKS LIKE A JAPANESE ACTOR!! haha. would be cool though. hmm.. :) miss my brother. who is also on holiday at tekong. he'll be back two weeks later. hmm. im gonna pick him up at the ferry terminal! :)
[ira: arent you proud of me!?]
the christmas story.
FOR YOU.
`jiaqi.
just had dinner with my relatives. ITS QUITE boring. but with sharon and jiayi around... haha. it can never get boring. and besides, we have a knack for talking non stop, taking only short pauses to take breaths and go like "hmm." haha. so it was kinda fun. sighhs. still procrastinating. my homework seems.. endless. sighhs. oh well.
Just sweet beginnings and bitter endings.
In coffee city, we borrowed heaven.
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted.
Are you taking me home?
In the heat of summer sunshine,
I miss you like nobody else.
In the heat of summer sunshine,
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know.
`jiaqi.
you are my only one.
FOR YOU.
`jiaqi.
its been an exciting day. went out with zhixin and lydia in the afternoon to RUSH to buy father's day present. and guess what. its next week. WOW. haha. all thanks to cynthia, who got the dates wrong. haha. then... RUSHED to st.marys. to realise that im 1/2 an hour early. people only start streaming in at 5.. yeahh. thank God that audrey came earlier. so i had company. was gonna cry and wail coz i realised that its the first mass that im attending at st marys that my brother's not around. and yes.. i know im being really silly about my brother's enlistment. after hanging out with audrey for like.. 5mins, met matthew. who decided to waltz into our conversation. haha. and then michelle came... and DUH PATRICK was late AGAIN. haha. so michelle owes me an EXTRA bar of chocolate. WOW. :) happy days. haha.
went for dinner at westmall. (cursed place) and yeahh. brother called patrick and he passed the phone to me. and obviously i wailed. saying that im bored at home and no one's there to play with me. and i cried. yes. in public. in the foodcourt. i cried. its drama. yeahh. but everybody was nice about it. especially audrey. even though i got her shirt REALLY REALLY wet. sat there and talked for 3hrs plus? haha. it was fun. and patrick was really really really nice. he could take the bus home but he took the train. JUST to accompany me. :) yupp. :):):):):):) HAPPY DAYS.
and my long awaited homily by father john paul has arrived!!! and it was good. it talked about baptism. and how when we get baptised, its not just about starting a new life, but also with a message. that we are to cast out evil spirits, not just THAT kinda spirits, but also people who are harassed by things like... office politics? yeahh. like that. we are supposed to bring the message of Jesus to these people. and 'cure' them. SOMEWHAT like that. i guess. sighhs. i was alone after dismissal. which was depressing. but hey. God was with me. :)
happy days. :)
"Sing to the Lord, all the world!
Worship the Lord with joy;
come before him with happy songs!
Acknowledge that the Lord is God.
He made us and we belong to him;
we are his people, we are his flock.
Enter the Temple gates with thanksgiving;
go into its courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and praise him.
The Lord is good;
his love is eternal
and his faithfulness lasts forever."
Psalm 100
**UNCLE DANIEL: BON VOYAGE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU.
`jiaqi.
i know im being very silly about my brother enlisting. BUT IM BORED. seriously. my home has turned quiet suddenly. even my mom thinks so. coz there's no one to argue with me. been feeling moody since yesterday. i think my mom knows that. thats why she's been treating me so nice. oh well. i shall be nice to her too. and i need to start studying. yes. i must not let PATRICK down. haha. :) PATRICK is so nice!!! he knows im lonely, so he keeps me company! how sweet. haha. nevermindd. im losing my marbles. i cant even remember what day it is today. hmm... its monday isnt it? oh. right. its friday. SEE!? im losing it.
went to town with rose, chihui, cherlynn and gwenDOlyn after chemistry today. was quite hilarious. rose and gwen were SUGAR HIGH. haha. went to lido to eat subway. chihui was busying doing her a maths. haha. FELT SO GUILTY SITTING NEXT TO HER!!! haha. remnded me of my constant piling homework. better get it done SOON or LATER. left earlier, cause i was feeling moody again. :( MRS LEOW DROVE US TO TOWN!!! haha. she's so nice!! and her car is so cute. its so tiny. but not as tiny as a mini. haha. which brings me to the topic of INITIAL D. IM GONNA WATCH IT!!! :)
good news. i finished the gospel of John. starting on the Acts of the Apostles. im progressing. yay! which btw. i dont care about what people say about my faith anymore. why should i care about what others say anyway. like what Father Jo said, its not like i can stop people from talking bad about me if they want. same thing with my faith and religon. so yeahh. i dont give a damn anymore. yupp. :) besides, its the Lord's voice that i wanna listen to, not what people say.
the coolest car in the world. HAH.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall i fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall i be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall."
Psalm 27:1-2
i am currently suffering from constant depression and constant weeping disease.
my beloved brother is now STUCK on tekong.
:( no one to play with me anymore.
i have to sleep in the room alone now.
he has to suffer.
I MISS MY BROTHER!!!!
i want him to come back home.
ANIKI!!! COME BACK HOME!!! KAERU!!!!
he must be suffering there. hmmm.. and he lost his hair already!!!
:( my shuai brother is no longer shuai.
I WANT YOU TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW!! THIS INSTANT!!! AND PLAY WITH ME!!!
-sobbs-
Daddy, i pray that you would bless my brother.
and protect him whereever he goes.
i pray that he would not land himself in any trouble.
and that you are with him every single second of his army life.
and that you would send your angels to protect him and be by his side.
Thank you.
In Your holy name i pray,
AMEN.
`jiaqi.
i am so happy.
i am so happy.
i am so happy.
I AM SO HAPPY.
ipod.ipod.ipod.ipod.ipod.ipod.ipod.ipod.:)
`jiaqi.
I FOUND THE SONG. :)
almost here by brian mcfadden and delta goodrem. haha.
all thanks to ira. haha.
patrick is a good starfish to talk to.
and he doesnt seem to get angry. haha.
i miss cherlynn. and japan. and spongebob. hmm.. im not making any sense here.
aniki taught me a way of keeping my anger in check.
sacred heart of Jesus, i place my trust in You. and yupp. it works. :)
sighhs. he's going to enlist in the army in... 3 days. im gonna miss him.
he's been real great company. -boohoo-
Daddy, i pray that you watch over my brother when he is in the army,
and that nothing will harm him both physically and spirtually.
THANK YOU! :)
those christians that you constantly talk about condemn others.
they condemn things which they do not believe in.
they lack respect for other human beings that live on this earth.
arent you like that as well?
one day you will see what i see.
i am disappointed in you as well.
`jiaqi.
For what it's worth I think there's
nobody like you
You've got grace got a heart beating and
despite your fun
As I grew up I was terrified of darkness
Now you're around I've no reason
to be frightened.
FOR YOU.
`jiaqi.
i am never going back there again. ever again. my world would never be like that again. yupp. -phew- deleted my previous posts because they are SO not me. hah. Daddy has healed my heart. and forgiven my sins. so have my mom. and Daddy still loves me, and i know it. :) my life would never be in darkness ever again. and it would be filled with light! so tonight, when i sleep, i would switch on the light to sleep. HAH. right. not funny.
HIP HIP HOORAY FOR GOD!!! i can NEVER understood and fully grasp His love and grace for us, weak humans. but its okayy. this is how AMAZING God is!!! :)
went for mass yesterday. missed amazing race and saturday night life. the homily was GOOD. hidden message inside. and yeahhh. kinda reached out to me. so yeahh. thank you Fr.JO NATHAN!! =) it was ben and jerry day yesterday! so i went to the night safari with michelle, daphne, my brother, PATRICK, max and ronald. had great fun! though i ONLY had one cone. but its okay. at least it was free. the animals at the night safari were really cute! except for the fruit bats. wahpiang. they are like. damn scary. i freaked out in the bloody house thingy. and ronald and patrick realised something. those leopards and tigers and what not behind the glass exhibits are SUPERMODELS. haha. they CATWALK in figure of 8s! haha. yeahh. it was cool. though i think ronald was annoyed with me, cause i talked too much. OH WELL. got really tired after that. yeahh. saw flying squirrels and giraffes. lions as well. haha. too bad michelle had to leave earlier.
malcolm was being such an arse! seriously. my brother didnt invite him to this lil' gathering of ours and he just INSISTED on coming. he even cried. -_- and he's 22?! in public! i think he's gay. and i think he likes my brother. -_- he is a total psycho. no one wants him to go, and yet, he just wants to go. grrr... nevermind. its okay. i pity him actually. hmm.
`jiaqi.
p/s: just because you dont believe in something, doesnt mean that you put it down and you condemn it. i pity your poor soul. it has no room for love and grace. only hatred for others, and bitterness. and guess what. you have turned into those very people that you have come to hate and insult. arent you happy?
"I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."
John 12:46