Friday, July 29, 2005 .

im at cherlynn's house now. HAHA. and she's cooking porridge over the phone next to me now. haha. (: wahhhpianngg eh. WO HAO FAN AAHHH!! feel quite bad. nothing's going right now. i cant even think of what to blog. i miss my dad. what happens if he dies from being overly stressed?! dammit. i feel like an idiot now. all my thoughts are mashed and mixed up. ARGHHH...... not gonna do anything at the moment. the longer i can escape that hell. the better. i rather later than sooner.
why cant you ever see that im trying? why can everyone around me see my efforts, but, you, of all people, cant? why must you hate me so much? am i truly related to you? why dont you ever see how much i try to be civil, to be kind, to follow what Jesus says? why are you such a retard sometimes? how many times has this happened already? arent you sick and tired of it? why dont you just let me leave? let me leave, so that i dont have to come back anymore. why wouldnt you just understand? why are you my mother? why must you try to kill my father time and time again? cant you see that he is sick!? keep your hands off my dad. try to kill him one more time, and i will try to be as evil as you perceive me to be.
special thanks to: ZHIXIN, JESLIN, MELISSA for your ideas. though they didnt help. it made me laugh, and i forgot my problems for a WEE second. which meant alot. so thank you so much! (: appreciated it.
CHERLYNN. for letting me stay. and being there for me. its real sweet of you. (:
SHERILYN, GWEN, YUKEFONG for listening to me. and for trying to help. and cheering me up. love y`all! (:

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 10:04 PM
------ Wednesday, July 27, 2005 .

btw. i bet zhixin would be SO HAPPY when she reads this.

I HAVE A TAGBOARD.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 8:51 PM
------ .

If you seek the example of love: "Greater love than this no man has, than to lay down his life for his friends." Such a man was Christ on the cross. And if he gave his life for us, then it should not be difficult to bear whatever hardships arise for his sake.

If you seek patience, you will find no better example than the cross. Christ endured much on the cross, and did so patiently, because "when he suffered he did not threaten; he was led like a sheep to the slaughter and he did not open his mouth."

If you seek an example of obedience, follow him who became obedient to the Father even unto death. "For just as by the disobedience of one man," namely, Adam, "many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one man, many were made righteous."

If you seek an example of despising earthly things, follow him who is "the King of kings and the Lord of lords, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Upon the cross he was stripped, mocked, spat upon, struck, crowned with thorns, and given only vinegar and gall to drink.

Do not be attached, therefore, to clothing and riches, because "they divided my garments among themselves." Nor to honors, for he experienced harsh words and scourgings. Nor to greatness of rank, for "weaving a crown of thorns they placed it on my head." Nor to anything delightful, for "in my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink."


i think this makes ALOT of sense. :)
went out with zhixin, melissa and jeslin today. jeslin needed to get contacts. HAHA. its quite freaky, funny and comical at the same time. especially when i saw the contacts droop out from her right eye. it was...... quite... unusual. haha. and i got my eyes checked! i need glasses. awwwmann. crap. my dad wouldnt allow it. and also. HOW TO BE A PILOT WITH GLASSES!! omg. shucks. and i put on weight. AGAIN. i fear weighing machines now. was walking arnd in the supermarket, and jeslin was making FULL use of her contacts. haha. happy for her. cos she can finally see without her glasses on. VAINPOT. haha. :) i will STOP eating so much. and i will DEFINATELY go on a blasted diet. seeing how i have ABSOLUTELY no time to exercise. and its not helping when sec 4s have mass dance instead of mass run now. see how ironic life is? when i LOATHE mass run, they have it every week without fail. and it doesnt seem to rain during massrun as well. but... now. when i want mass run, they have mass dance. and it rains, WITHOUT FAIL, every tuesday and thursday. how to train for tennis!? aiyohh. oh well. God must be telling me to appreciate the GOOD and the BAD in life. yupp. ive gotten wiser again! yay!

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 6:32 PM
------ Sunday, July 24, 2005 .

just heard from cherlynn today that london had a second bomb attempt. which inspired me to write this post, dedicated SPECIALLY to terrorists.

to dear terrorists:
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR BLASTED PROBLEM!? so many innocent lives had been laid down JUST because of your own selfish evil and cruel gains. who are you to take away innocent lives and have a massacre whenever you want? you did not create them. God did. so quit trying to act God. it would just make you all look more evil and fucking annoying. if you even have any brains left in that bloody head of yours, think logically. just because of you. parents have lost their children. wives lost their husbands. husbands lost their wives. children lost their parents. ALL because of you. you who kill in the name of religon. stop your blasphemy and the spreading of your heresy! no religon in the world would teach us to kill and annihilate everyone in this world who do not have the same religon as you. im beginning to doubt whether you are even part of beautiful humanity.
you evil bunch of monkeys are sadistic and brainless. before you rid the world of all who do not share the same faith as you, do the world a favour and rid yourselves from the world. ASSHOLE.

yours sincerely,
`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 3:08 PM
------ Thursday, July 21, 2005 .

i guess God really has a plan for all of us.
and whatever we do, there is ALWAYS a sacriface to be made.
i had always imagined myself by your side when i could.
but i guess. maybe i cant.
we are the same, yet we are so different.
maybe i misunderstood your kindess, concern and care for something else.
i guess i just lost you.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 9:16 PM
------ Wednesday, July 20, 2005 .

im in mourning.
yes.
(SPOILER ALERT FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE)



































DUMBLEDORE IS DEAD!
MY HERO DUMBLEDORE IS DEAD!
HOW CAN HE BE DEAD?
HE IS THE WORLDS GREATEST WIZARD EVER!!!
I WANT DUMBLEDORE TO COME BACK!!
im in mourning.

"dumbledore's man through and through."

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 10:52 PM
------ Tuesday, July 19, 2005 .

in my haste to finish up yesterday's post. i forgot to update on something SUPER important.
I BOUGHT THE HARRY POTTER BOOK ALREADY!! omgoshh. i love it so much that i wish i was in the harry potter world. its so... surreal? yeahh. surreal. it seemed as though i had been moving in and out of two worlds since i started reading the book. yes. this is how much my obsession with harry can bring me to. travelling between worlds. haha. :) and what makes me SUPER happy is that everytime i read harry potter, i feel young and child-like AGAIN. haha. and im making myself sound like some old lady. hmm. and i think of daniel radcliffe. MY HOT BOD. haha. :) im gonna marry him one day!! YAY!!! -beamms-
and of course, not forgetting, zhixin's birthday!!! -throws confetti- its her sixteenth bday, and i spent a BOMB on her. haha. nahh. just joking bout the whole thing. went to spagetties to eat, and missed the parade. i had fun though. cos she was being QUITE nice that day. haha. :) and ate till i was fat. and zhixin thinks she has fats at her tummy bummy. YEAH RIGHT. haha. on saturday, went to grace's hse. it was cool. haha. had a great time walking arnd with lydia and zhixin the morning at borders. its damn cool lah!! cos it was raining, and it felt ABIT. i repeat. A TINY WEENY BIT like london. i love london. did i mention it before? and oh yes. daniel radcliffe as well. haha. :) yay! grace's dogs were doing fine.. and i think terry has HUGE eyes. :) PRETTY!!! haha. im making him sound like some.... girl like boy. but he's not. he's a boy like boy. hahaha. NEVERMIND. im not making any super sense. anyway. missed mass. cos i couldnt flag a cab. felt SO ANNOYED that i cried cos no taxi came.. after 40 mins. alice was SUPER amused that i cried JUST cos i missed mass by.. 1sec? haha. hmm.
and i missed the ncc parade!! -wails- im so disappointed! or else i would have been able to point out kenny the funny eyebrow guy who is quite nice person to cherlynn. who was with chunyu. who was laughing at the legends of jiaqi's blurness. HMMPHH. haha. gotta go sleep and finish up harry potter. I LOVE DANIEL RADCLIFFE!! AND HARRY POTTER!!! I LOVE DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!!

`jiaqi.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ZHIXIN.
EVERYBODY LOVES HER SO MUCH.
EVEN THE MONKEYS AT THE ZOO...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

aerin stoning again at 10:40 PM
------ Monday, July 18, 2005 .

nyaaa. just received a mail from my dad. read the contents. its SUPER sad. and yeahh. i guess my dad wanted me to see something within this email. so.. i thought i should post this on my blog, seeing how many people out there feel the same way about how i feel about my mother. :) enjoy.

"My mom only had one eye. i hated her. she was such an embarressment. my
mom ran a small shop at a flea market. she collected little weeds and
such to sell. anything for the money we needed she was such an
embarressment. there was this one day during elementary school. it was
field day, and my mom came. i was so embarressed. how could she do this
to me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.

the next day at school.
"ur mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world so i said to
my mom, "mom. why dont you have the other eye?! if you're only gonna
make me a laughingstock, why dont you just die?!" my mom did not
respond. i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good
to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time..

maybe it was because my mom hadnt punished me, but i didnt think that i
had hurt her feelings very badly. that night. i woke up, and went to the
kitchen to get a glass of water. my mom was crying there, so quietly, as
if she was afraid that she might wake me.

i took a look at her, then turned away. because of the thing i had said
to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my
heart. even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. so
i told myself that i would grow up and become successful. cause i hated
my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty..

then i studied real hard. i left my mother and came to Seoul and
studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the
confidence i had.

then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too.
now i'm living happily as a
successful man. i like it here because
it's a place that doesnt remind me of my mom.

this happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when..

what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother.....still with her one eye..

it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
and i asked her, "who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make that real.
i screamed at her," how dare you come to my house and scare my
daughter!"

"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the wrong address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.

thank good ness... she doesnt recognize me..
i was quite relieved.

i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the
rest of my life. then a wave of relief came upon me...

one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. so, lying
to my wife that i was going on a business trip, i went. after the
reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a
house...just out of curiosity

there, i found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..

and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to
come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad when i heard you were coming for
the reunion. but i decided not to go to the school....for you... and i'm
sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you.

you see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost
your eye. as a mom, i couldnt stand watching you having to grow up with
only one eye... so i gave you mine...

i was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my
place, with that eye. i was never upset at you for anything you did..
the couple times that you were angry with me,.. i thought to myself,
'it's because he loves me..'

my son... oh, my son... "

yupp. this's the story. sometimes, if i sit in a dark corner in my room and reflect upon my actions, ill hate myself for being how i am. all the times that i have shouted at my mom, if only i had stopped a few seconds and think about her motive of getting me to study. this may sound super cliche but it is truly for my own good. once, my dad actually asked me if shouting at my mom was what the church taught me. i feel ashamed. if i strive so hard to not disappoint the Heavenly Father and try so very hard to make Him proud, why cant i do the same for my earthly parents? why am i such a disappointment to my family? even God stresses so much on honouring my parents. what have i been doing for these past 16 years? -looks at kenny- why am i such a disappointment?

`jiaqi.

"If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness."
Proverbs 20:20

aerin stoning again at 6:01 PM
------ Wednesday, July 13, 2005 .

zhixin's bday is coming!! haha. went to town with zhixin, jeslin and crazy melissa. i finally ate the whopper mushroom swiss burger!!! haha. its SUPER big. :) bought cherlynn sth there today. WHEE.
cherlynn: you'll know what it is tomorrow!! :)
haha. hmm.. got conned into buying a pen for $2. its the outreach thingy. like as if i wanna buy it from him. i rather donate it to some kinda charity PERSONALLY. oh well. nevermind. jeslin kept the pen instead anyway.
they ARE a funny and fun bunch to hang out with. too bad cynthia didnt go with us. im guessing she had reap or sth.

[sophia: sophia!! remember that whatever happens, ill always ALWAYS be here for you. so... cheer up! :)]

Christ is the Lord.
the Heavenly Father is my God. :)

like.. DUH!!! haha. I LOVE THE FATHER!!!

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 8:18 PM
------ Monday, July 11, 2005 .

zhixin's bday is coming!!! :) haha. cant wait. coz that day, im getting my harry potter book too. haha. ive been sleeping alot in class lately. and ive been touched by an angel! HAHA. like. yuxiu? SHE'S SO ANGELLIC AND SWEET!!! and GENTLE!! cos i was sleeping during lunch. and she woke me up and said this...
yuxiu in her ever sweet voice: jiaqi, are you okay?
jiaqi: yeahh.... im fine... why?
yuxiu: you've been sleeping the whole day. are you okay? what time did you sleep yesterday?
jiaqi: huh? ermmm... 2? yeahh. im fine. thank you!
yuxiu: take care okay? -smiles- and goes back to her seat.

TELL ME WHERE CAN YOU FIND SOMEONE AS SWEET AS HER?
and zhixin says... the sweet shop. LAME PORK. haha. :) and jeslin dropped my cake, so they bought lays for me and called it bai fen. what the.. lame porks. haha. kuku. jeslin, zhixin and mellissa woke me up during my lunch nap! :)

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 9:03 PM
------ Sunday, July 10, 2005 .

WHEE. i have blogged... 250 times already. yay! :) haha. havent been updating regularly lately. been busy. trying to mug and revise. yupp. simple recap from friday.
FRIDAY : went to church at 2.30 to help out with the tribute concert. met MANY new friends there. and all of them are SO PRETTY!!! :) i wish i was born a guy... haha. right. nevermindd. absolute crap. haha. the concert was fun, and i even found a chemistry tutor there. whee. went home at 12midnight. SUPER tired that day. didnt watch anime or do my work. :(
SATURDAY: celebrated cherlynn's bday. went ice-skating in the morning. thought i was late, so i busted 6bucks on cabfare. only to realise that i was like.. the 4th person to reach. when there were 12 people going. wow. hmm. had a great time skating. chihui was swinging me on the rink! :) and me and cherlynn purposely fell down. spastic. after that, deborah left us, and we waited for pam. after that, went to town to eat marche. im SUPER broke now. jan bought cherlynn cake. SWEET. haha. went to play pool after that. and surprise surprise. I DIDNT BREAK THE QUE. :) yay. after that, we left to go coffee club to wait for chihui to come. rose and co. kept doing a disappearing act on us. haha. then went for energy concert. rose's auntie had free tickets so i went with them. haha. IT WAS REALLY COOL!!! :) though all the songs that they sang, i didnt know how to sing. but oh well. i think chihui and i were in the same boat. haha. almost went deaf. but it was a good deal, coz we were quite front. so quite near to them. NIUNAI KEPT LOOKING AT US!! YAY!!! haha. and i totally embarrassed myself when i suddenly went high and shouted niunai's name so freakin' loud that everybody turned at looked at me, including niunai. haha. i had great fun that day. haha. :)

and... SUNDAY: CHERLYNN'S BIRTHDAY!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH NIUNAI!!!
AND YOU THINK THAT ________ IS SHUAI....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN CHERLYNN!!

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 1:33 PM
------ Thursday, July 07, 2005 .

arghh. ive been so busy with my work and stuff lately that i have cleanly forgotten my main focus when i go to church. besides praying and praising God and exalting his works, i need to do an in-depth study of the catholic church! sheesh. and i totally forgot about it. sighhs. i feel like a palentologist though. haha. like im doing research. SO COOL!!! :)
im happy with myself today. i finished atlantica today, and im OFF to neverland in kingdom hearts. i managed to squeeze in 3 episodes of tenisu no oujisama AND i went for tuition and brushed up on my vectors and intergration. whee. and i bought the constantine DVD!! :) its kinda freaky at some parts though. abit..... scary.
London got bombed today. arghh. so many innocent people died all coz of some psycho who thinks that the whole world fears him. well. actually, the world does fear him but. arghh. whateverr. hate such things happening, especially to my favourite countries. like england... japan... etc. hmm. i wonder if daniel radcliffe is okay? haha.
the tribute to Pope John Paul concert is TOMORROW!!! its finally here. and im all ready for.. chaperoning the st.marys choir. haha. i think they know more about the church than i do. sheesh. hope it doesnt screw up tomorrow.
but i know and you know and everybody knows that God is with us! So i shouldnt worry, but just put every burden i have in the Lord's arms and rest against his bosom and take a break. yup. :) for He can take away all our problems. lala. and im gonna love Him unconditionally and to trust in Him and to have everlasting faith in Him. YAY!! HUZZAH FOR CHRIST THE LORD!!! HUZZAH FOR THE FATHER IN HEAVEN, GLORY BE TO HIS NAME!!! HUZZAH FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT!!! :)

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 10:59 PM
------ Tuesday, July 05, 2005 .

surprisingly, i got through the first week of school and currently survivingly barely through the next. chinese orals came and went. and i bet i made a fool outta myself in front of the examiner. IM SUPER STRESSED. haha. chatted with patrick till 2am yesterday. made a couple of pacts with him. i think he is a good friend. and he said that he treated me as his god-sister. hmm. and my reaction was this.. ::CORNY:: haha. dont know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing. made a couple of realizations about my faith yesterday night while i was half way through my monologue / dialogue with God. and i was thankful about it. shall be a better person to glorify Him! :)
kept going out with jeslin, zx, cynthia and melissa lately. they are a funny bunch. especially jeslin. and the constant fights between all of us. before we went to MJ's marriage, we went shopping. or... THEY went shopping. and i didnt. because i was SUPER broke and i didnt wanna ask my dad for money, because he was broke too. haha. so they turned up at the wedding in presentable enough clothes for a wedding and didnt go against the dress code, everybody except for poor me. haha. i felt bad about it actually. because i advised everybody to dress up formally, and i didnt myself. but oh well. im a POOR poor girl. literally. haha.
came back from fareast today. obviously i went out with that funny bunch again. had subway. xiaojie went as well. haha. and cyn and xiaojie disappeared for like. dunno how long. so me, zx, jeslin and melissa had nothing to do. and guess what. they started asking me about my almost non-existant love life because their own didnt have much updates. haha. we can all jolly well write about our own lives one day. haha. it would be a thousand million pages long. haha. :) and i obviously had fun. because they are all so funny. whee.
INITIAL D IS NICE. jay is so cute!! he looks like a hamster in the movie. haha. shawn looks HOT. lala.

praise the Lord everybody!
for He is faithful, loving and full of care and concern for us.
praise the Lord. :)

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 10:22 PM
------