Wednesday, September 28, 2005 .

i feel so bitchy and bimbotic lately. hmm. its time to CHANGE MODE!!!! goodbye funky jiaqi and hello nerdy jiaqi! haha. yes. im gonna QUIT slacking and START studying. haha. highlights of my day... had sexuality education in school. -gives the mashimaro face- -________________________- ITS ABSOLUTELY BORING!! i was half asleep. till they made us go on the floor to do some weird paper thingy. haha. that was when we started crapping. acjc and hcjc came to give us talks. after the very much interesting talk by ac, hcjc just paled in comparison. and anyway, who wants to go to hc anyway. its like. unreachable for me. yes. one must know her limitations as HUMAN. haha. i sound so wise. yay! (: i liked the part during the sexuality course when me, cherlynn, chihui and hasyimah started singing to the 'I WILL SURVIVE' song. its hilarious! haha. cherlynn is a good dancer... :D im gonna write about my short shopping trip to town on monday. IT WAS THE FUNKIEST SHOPPING SPREE IVE EVER HAD!! COS GWENNIE WENT!!! :) haha. yes. i know im sweet. bought my shoes and skirt. gwennie chose the skirt for me! and i love it! -grinns- penguins dont look nice in skirts most of the time. (:bought my 'slippers'. haha. a BIG thanks to GWEN, SHERILYN, JAN, SOPHIA, LYDIA and ZHIXIN NAHH for helping me out of my clothes. haha. im a sucky shopper. (: and BIG THANK YOU to LYDIA HO HO HO (LIPARI :D) for treating me for dinner at fareast. (: me, zhixin NAH, and lydia took neos! YAY! (: whee. career day was.... terrorizing. haha. and fun as well! its so cool to see everybody in such funky clothes! though i bet everybody's feet must really hurt. especially those who wore heels. haha. cherlynn, sherilyn, gwen and chihui looked hot! YAY! HOTBABES!! (: lala.

im so afraid.
my memory seems to be fading away.
whats happening to me?

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 8:33 PM
------ Saturday, September 24, 2005 .

YESTERDAY WAS THE COOLEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! haha. went to east coast with zhixin, cynthia, melissa, jeslin, jerilyn, sueann and hengfong. SO FUN!!! :D we met at eunos, and guess what. IM NOT THE LATEST!! melissa and jeslin were, and they didnt even know that they were on the same train. haha. kuku momoks.took a bus to east coast, and jerilyn was seriously freaking zhixin out with her WEIRD PSYCHOTIC antics. cycled to 'our family store' and sat there with zhixin, cynthia and jeslin. cos hengfong was learning how to cycle, so we decided to wait for them in front. haha. in the end, when we went back, they were sitting in the middle of the road resting! haha. so in the end, we didnt really cycle much. though me and jeslin were really lethagic for SOME PARTICULAR REASON. -looks at jeslin. haha. ate at macs, before going BOWLING!!! :) split into 2 teams, and i was in jerilyn's team with jeslin and hengfong!! AND GUESS WHAT!!?? WE WON!!! YAY!!! :D the machine at east coast is really screwed though, we kept getting strikes and stuff without even hitting the pins and sometimes, we start with a pin less or something. haha. went to the arcade to play.. it was boring though. cos the machines were really limited. watched zhixin play that street fighter game. HAHA. had fun laughing. and played bang bang with jeslin!! :) it was so scary!! we were yelling so loudly. haha. embarassing. AND WE SAW JESLIN AND CYNTHIA PLAY DDR!!! haha. absolutely hilarious. then we went to play frisbee! :) my group lost. hmm. haha. and i guess its cos i kept making blur mistakes like throwing the frisbee to the wrong person and getting confused with where we were supposed to score... OOPS?
to cynthia, jeslin and zhixin : SORRY!!! :)
then, while zhixin and cynthia went to change, we sat in the middle of the field to play this really stupid game. we had to throw tiny rocks into the frisbee, which is a distance away from us. CHEAP THRILL ALERT!! haha. then, we went to town, all sticky and sweaty. TOOK NEOS!!! YAY!!! :D finally. haha. and jerilyn was asking me to look at that woman outside the neoprint store. SO OBSCENE!!! so i asked zhixin to look too. haha. :D then we were pulling shoes out of holes. HAHA. :) had dinner at subway. hengfong and sueann had to leave earlier. then we went home.
cynthia should show everybody her anna sui look. its HILARIOUS! :D haha. had fun yesterday with a crazy bunch of monkeys. :)

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 12:02 PM
------ Thursday, September 22, 2005 .

YAY!!!!!!! PRELIMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVERR!!! :) lala. im a happy kid again. yay. e maths paper was SCREWED. sighhs. as usual, i feel like an idiot again. haha. WHO CARES ANYWAY!? :D went to town with jeslin, zhixin, cynthia, jerilyn and melissa for a shopping spree. after spending the WHOLE DAY at town, i didnt get anything except for a blasted headache. cos me and jerilyn got wet. and zara was freezing. haha. im saving up for some other stuff anyway. :) jerilyn's bag kept causing the security alarms to go off at shops, UNTIL we decided to dig her bag... and guess what jeslin realised. there was a stupid barcode stuck to jerilyn's calculator. arghh. stupid jerilyn. haha. first, went to zara and borders to get zhixin's skirt. its actually from the kids section! look how skinny zhixin is... arghh. hotbabe. then we went to fareast! and walked. and walked. and walked. and walked. looking for melissa's stuff. and cynthia's handbag! haha. she changed her option to a nicer one. yay! we are influential. jerilyn kept calling zhixin her fling, so funny! and she kissed her jacket. HAHA. hilarious bunch of monkeys. then we went to bodyshop. AND... jerilyn, that comical monkey had to spray perfume on my neck, a GENEROUS amount of it. so for the whole day, ive been smelling like grass. how sweet. visited wisma. :) topshop has nice clothes.. especially their plain shirts and sleeveless! its so pretty... -drools- haha. too bad. money cannot be spent so recklessly. do i sound like a wise lady from the mountains? :D we went around pasting this pricetag of 8.90 on each other's backs, and stealing zhixin's duck umpteen times. haha. went to taka to pay cynthia's bills and stuff, before we went to heeren to look at melissa's bag. we saw zelanie! and she had a metal thingy stuck to her shoe and she didnt even know! HAHA. funny woman. then, we went to cine for dinner, jerilyn bought her skirt -shockk- and then to john little to look at STUFF. :) and we're going cycling tomorrow. YAY!!!

Behind These Hazel Eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 6:31 PM
------ Wednesday, September 21, 2005 .

haha. i know u guys didnt read it. so i shall repost for you! :D

grace: hey. (: THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRESENTS! (: haha. i find them highly comical and humourous. tiring too. i had to carry the pillow home, and seriously, it acts as a hand muscle trainer. thanks for it though! its really sweet of you. lala. you have became my conscience for the past 4 years. especially regarding issues of the heart. haha. (: you keep me in check, making sure that im not losing faith in God, and letting me know whenever i was. thank you so much for being there to listen to me whine, and wail and sob madly. even though i know that when i sob, you cant hear what im saying. thank you for being there when ember died. and when i needed help in my religious and spirtual journey. i love you so much, words cant express how much i appreciate your presence in my life! (: love you!

lynette: haro! (: i know that we have quarrelled umpteen times, and have also recounciled so many times as well. you have been there when i was really down, and i thank you for that. even though we arent really as close as we were in sec 1 and 2, i truly miss the times when we could talk about anything under the sun! thank you for bringing me to church. even though im not part of cosbt anymore, it was you who regained my faith and allowed me to recognise what i really wanted to be when i grew up. its your courage and bravery in handling situations and crisis that really taught me alot of lessons, and i really admire you for all these desirable qualities of yours. yup. and even though i seem as though i dont appreciate you, i really do. and without you around, i wouldnt be who i am today. so thank you so much! -smiles-

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 5:33 PM
------ Monday, September 19, 2005 .

went bowling today! yay! so fun lahh. :D me and jeslin just wasted 3.10 at the bowling alley. my bowling skills SERIOUSLY SUCK!!! haha. i bet zhixin has been secretly practising at home. haha. chemistry prac. was crap. im absolutely screwed. arghh. OH NO. sighhs. oh well. i had a good time in long johns, macs in the morning and at the bowling alley! :) yay! haha. zhixin has learnt the art of making the bowling ball change directions. haha. good for you! we may be ice skating tomorrow. YAY! whoop whoop! :)

why does everything seem so different?
i cant get you out of my mind.
it doesnt even feel that way anymore.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 7:06 PM
------ Saturday, September 17, 2005 .

whee! prelims are overr!!! (: well. almost. heh. i was feeling absolutely relieved when the a maths paper was over. I SURVIVED THRU!!! haha. AND EVERY SEC 4 IN CRESCENT TOO!! yipee! lala. went out with zhixin, cynthia and jeslin to town yesterday. zhixin was supposed to get ryan's present. haha. and she got zoids! went to subway to eat. sighhs. its been a long time since i stepped into subway. so its GREAT. haha. saw the hockers, or according to grace, hockey monsters. haha. JESLIN USED MY TISSUE ACCIDENTALLY IN SUBWAY!!!! HAHAHA!!! i was busy looking for my tissue. then i realised.... jeslin took it. and wiped her mouth with it. HAHA. then went to taka. hung around the disney corner and listened to the princess songs! ahh. a walk down memory lane. then we went to macs in centrepoint to sit. and laugh at each other. a balloon fell slow-mo down onto zhixin's head! SO FUNNY!! then it fell onto macdonald's head. it was hilarious! cynthia and i almost died laughing. haha. oh oh. zhixin has sore eyes! haha. went to national library. then went for dinner. and then we went home. at about 9 plus. had great fun yesterday! i felt exhuasted, but strangely contented and happy. this is what life's all about huh.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 1:08 PM
------ Thursday, September 15, 2005 .

arghh. prelims had been a real bugger. sighhs. i think im gonna flunk it. AS USUAL. like which part of my life have i not flunked yet? i feel like a bloody moronic idiotic failure who's just plain stupid. especially during the chemistry paper 1. I REALLY STUDIED!! im like. sighhs. oh well. just gotta work harder. this is just prelims. if anything, ill just work during the first 3 months and get some money. yipee. yeahh. its gonna be alright. as everybody can see, im trying REAL hard to be optimistic. yeahh. gwen! even pingu's constant optimistism is leaking away drip by drip. :(

be my escape.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 10:21 PM
------ Saturday, September 10, 2005 .

prelims are coming. CRAP. im seriously losing my precious sleep over this. i keep dreaming nowadays! I DONT WANT TO DREAM!!! arghhh. i hate this. sighhs. went to study with zhixin yesterday. yipee! (: bought a new pair of jeans. talked to kenny till 12 plus. haha. STUPID faggot. but what he said really made me go like. 'wow'. something about if there's shit to do, just do it. whining wouldnt change a thing. yeahh. cool right!? haha. i found it very satisfying that im not the only one who thinks that my bro's a sucker, whiner and a swine. its just guard duty! and if he says that he's afraid cos theres spirits and ghosts there, hah. dont be a catholic then. may i seriously remind him that people who die and go to hell, STAY IN HELL. if he's so afraid, whats the point of believing in God. sighhs. oh well. i cant believe st. marys' on the cover page of the newspaper. omgoodness. and cos of the swimming pool. the church looks really pretty. haha. but its abit extravagant huh. oh well. if the people are alright with such matters, who cares? its their money anyway. i havent started on lit yet. oh no! ):

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 9:28 AM
------ Wednesday, September 07, 2005 .

to XXX:

i am losing my adoration for you. perhaps by the time you have miraculously grown more brain cells than what you have now and operated the computer and visit this website, i would have lost all love for you. do not ask me why you do not seem to appeal to me anymore. i have no decent answer for that. maybe you should ask yourself, and search deep into that non-existent conscience of yours before you question me on this issue. clearly, you have proven me wrong time and time again, about the possibility of you growing a heart. and now. when i step back and view this matter in a different angle, i realised how much of a moronic fool ive been. nothing i do, would ever change that heart of stone that you have. it is no longer about those tender moments we have shared, but how you have cut me down repeatedly. i can say greatly that i loathe the way you handle situations, ignoring my cries and pleas. in a nutshell, i hate you.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 3:57 PM
------ .

i cant believe the absurdity of this situation. shucks.
when there's school, and i pray like crazy to fall sick enough to skip lessons and get a decent m.c,
i dont fall sick. when its the bloody holidays and im supposed to be healthy enough to stay awake to mug,
i fall bloody sick! ARGHH. yeahh. i think its the pizza. haha. right zhixin?
i feel like a slacker. sheesh. IM GONNA PULL THRU PRELIMS!! i will. muahahahaha.
yupp. my two stars of the day are.....

cynthia: mad woman! haha. i absolutely love the times when all you have to do is laugh and then i will be laughing my head off. remember adam khoo course? yeahh. gary thinks im mad. who cares. anyway. i really really want to thank you for being there for me. thank you for being my moon to shine light into my life when its the darkest. thank you so much! its been really fun knowing you better, with your crap jokes and your comical laughter! haha. if i have ever made life difficult for you, im truly sorry. yup. i miss the times when we went to east coast to cycle and everyone else had to wait for me. i want to take more neoprints with you guys! im in love with neos suddenly. haha. i really appreciate that everytime i needed help in certain aspects of my life, you are always there. (: yeahh. and just wanted to let you know, whatever happens, ill ALWAYS be here for you. im a phone call away, or a simple sms away. so yeahh. call me whenever you need me! (: really glad to have you in my life! love you to bits and pieces!

jerilyn: sssss. stop making me laugh every week at church! haha. its been super fun to have you sitting next to me during church. especially when zhixin is around. haha. and we will crap like mad. yay! thank you for being there for me too. during church. i know im a real emotional person who cries super easily in church, so thank you so much for being there to make me laugh like mad so i wouldnt cry! (: haha. it seems weird, but every week, there's something to laugh about. like your ssss, father maize, your food smelling clothes, and your father building a house in cameron highlands! HAHAHA. thats really funny. i laughed till i fell off my bed when zhixin told me. haha. its so cute! and im sorry. for the times i have stepped on your feet and kicked you. -grinns- love you!

aerin stoning again at 10:57 AM
------ Tuesday, September 06, 2005 .

BLEACH; life's like a boat.

nobody knows who i really am
i never felt this empty before
and if i ever need somebody to come along
who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

we are all rowing the boat of fate
the waves keep on coming and we cant escape
but if we ever get lost on our way
the waves would guide through another day

nobody knows who i really am
maybe they just dont give a damn
but if i ever need someone to come along
i know you would follow me, and keep me strong

and every time i see your face
the ocean heaves up to my heart
you make me wanna strain at the oars
and soon i can see the shore

oh, i can see the shore
when will i see the shore?

i want you to know who i really am
i never thought i'd feel this way towards you
and if you ever need someone to come along
i will follow you, and keep you strong

and every time i see your face
the ocean heaves up to my heart
you make me wanna strain at the oars
and soon i can see the shore.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 12:01 PM
------ Monday, September 05, 2005 .

went out with zhixin just now to town. had mos burger! yay! haha. ate ALOT today. im gonna put on weight and become obese. but who cares. yeahh. then we went to study. in my house. and i guess not much was done today. SOMEHOW. haha. we ended up lying on my sofa watching finding neverland. and im NEVER gonna watch that show EVER. once again, i am the only weird freaky one who see the 'non-existant' essence of the show. got me thinking alot. i guess, partially cos im under SUPER alot of stress and pressure lately that i have become more tearful. which is bad. cos i cry over everything and nothing as well. i miss the times where i could do anything i wanted and noone would suspect if there is any 'ulterior motive'. perhaps i am the only one who misses my childhood. when everything around me seemed so simple and easy. so what if i could only see things at the height of my mum's knees? at least i was very much in contact with the earth than most adults. i could see so much more. many others must just think im depressed. but havent they really started to think beyond what is surrounding them? this is what philosophy means. not just looking at things that your level, but at different perspectives. like death. watching finding neverland reminded me about my auntie's death. i guess i was never the same girl ever since she died. hasnt anyone really thought of what it means to be dead? to be dead, is to be completely erased from the face of the earth, and no matter how badly your loved ones want to see you, they can no longer give you a call simply and speak to you. they would never, ever see you again, no matter how hard they search. thats what it means to be dead. maybe this is why people dont want to grow up. they dont want to face problems. yeahh. sure. call me a coward. i dont care.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 6:47 PM
------ Thursday, September 01, 2005 .

dear XXX:
i really have no idea what to do. my brain is turning fuzzy. what do you want me to do? tell me. every single solution i have seem to be rejected by you. you said that if somebody loves you unconditionally, love the person back. i love you unconditionally, with no price, no reward, and no return. do you love me back? will you let this entire thing become a barrier in your heart? because i feel no barrier when im with you. i feel like how i would feel when i screw something up and you talk to me about it. thats how i felt about yesterday. and i will not let this get in the middle of our friendship. our friendship means so so much to me. will you let a mistake that i made get in the way of everything else that we had? remember the times that we went out almost every day, called each other everyday? i miss those times, and i want it back. i want to spend my life being with you and creating more memories with you, jeslin, cynthia, melissa, lydia and grace. i dont want anything to change, and i really pray that nothing does. i dont want to lose you as a friend. at all. if you think that i dont regret anything, i do. and i dont normally regret. if you think that i dont feel guilty, remorseful, you're wrong. cos i do. i am a disciple of Christ. therefore He comes first. if you are offended, im sorry. im looking at this issue in a very religious manner. if you want to know the reason why i did whatever i did, its because i have feelings for the person. thats why i got caught up and lost every bit of self-control that i had. i lost myself within. so many things that i want to explain to you during that phone call, yet everything i wanted to say seemed to escape my mind and i was left wordless. i couldnt explain why im handling the situation like i am. why cant you just give this whole thing another chance? i broke up with her. thats the sacriface i made. thats the price i paid. would you forgive me now? lydia asks you to pretend nothing happened. im asking you to just trust me again. maybe this whole thing will work out. i can only hope, right?

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 7:20 PM
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