Wednesday, October 19, 2005 .

im feeling so weird now. theres like this pool of emotions whirling within me. whats wrong with me? there's so many things to hide, to fake and to lie. somethings i try to say. but it never gets out. im so sorry. i dunno what else to do. how am i going to help you? ive got issues of my own. why is it that im always the mediator? why am i always the one trouble comes to find? my optimism is leaking away, like a broken tap that cannot be turned off. why does it seem as though the weight of everything is lying solely on me? stop coming to me and telling me all your problems. im tired. im frustrated. there's no clear cut and direct solution to help you out. i cant do anything. i feel so helpless, sitting down here. why is everything falling apart when life has just gotten better? i dont want to know. i just want to neglect. and to ignore, and to live in self denial. i dont want to thrive harder, to pick myself up. just being a tattered doll lying in some dark corner of the house is good enough for me. at least, from where i sit, i cant see anything, cant feel anything, and i can ignore everything.

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 5:51 PM
------ Sunday, October 16, 2005 .

farewell came and went. as fast as a bullet train. THIS IS SO ANNOYING!!! i dont want to leave lahh. everybody's so dear to me. very soon, we'd just make new friends and forget our old ones. sighhs. oh well. AT LEAST I KNOW I WOULDNT FORGET ANYBODY!! (: anyway.

CREDITS TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE:
4G3 FOR BEING THERE EVERY MORNING WITHOUT FAIL.
CHERLYNN, GWEN, SHERILYN, ROSE, CHIHUI.
ZHIXIN FOR HER HUGE JAR WHICH HAS MULTIPLE PURPOSES ;)
CYNTHIA FOR HER JAR OF POTPOURRI
JERILYN FOR HER PRETTY JAR OF M&MS
JESLIN FOR HER SWEET SWEET NOTE.
XIAOJIE FOR HER TOUCHING TEARJERKING LETTER!
GRACE FOR HER BEAUTIFUL TILE.
TO LYDIA AND LYNETTE FOR JUST BEING THERE.
MELISSA FOR HER NICE CHOCOLATE AND BOX. (:
ALEEE FOR HER TOUCHING LETTER, YOU MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE TOO!
TRACY FOR HER FLOWERS. ITS ADORABLE!
YUKEFONG FOR HER CONSTANT PICTURE TAKING!
XINLING FOR HER HEARTWARMING NOTE!

im on hiatus till after Os. i hate that word.
oh well. good luck everybody. (:

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 2:40 PM
------ Thursday, October 06, 2005 .

RIGHT. so prelim results are out. heh. i did alright. borderline save. (: im gonna be optimistic about this, just like what ive done for other stuff that had happened to me before. yup. (: farewell is next friday. and im gonna BET every single piece of asset that i have that im gonna cry like crazy. im not one who adapts to changes very quickly. not that i love crescent, but ive been wearing this ugly uniform for 4 years already. and seeing the same people every morning, saying the same things to them. haha. it has grown on me, this stupid school. for the past 3 years plus, ive been looking forward to farewell, and now. when its next week, i dread the seconds that are dripping away, bringing me 1 more second closer to all the goodbyes that i hate saying. OH WELL. (: im moving on. thank you to the TCALS (jeslin, zhixin, cynthia and melissa) , the crazy people clique which consist of gwen, cherlynn, sherilyn, lynette, chihui and rose. and to the weewees, consisting of zhixin, grace, lydia and lynette. (: and thank you to 4G3, for being there every morning, without fail! (:

Lifehouse - Fairytales and Castles

He sighs and looks in the mirror
And he can't tell anymore
Who he really is and who they believe him to be
And he sighs and walks a thin line
Between what is and what could be
He's getting closer
To something he can't understand


Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
And there was nothing there
And now it's a long way down


Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand


He sighs and his head is filled with
Cartoons and fairy tales
And he's trapped inside a dungeon of dolls
With smiles on their faces
He's built a pretty cage
His shows on a beautiful stage
With candy coated prison bars
And chains that look like jewelry


Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
And there was nothing there
And now it's a long way down


Cause he lives inside
Of fairy tales and castle lands
And there's room inside
For false expectations and illusions

`jiaqi.

aerin stoning again at 7:31 PM
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